Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Videovangaurd discusses some basic etiquette at the movies or bitch slap that person for talking on the phone while the movie is on.

There have been a few posts around the net that have discussed the growing problem of rudeness in the theater.  People talking or texting on their phones, parents who bring their kids into an "R" rated movie ,people having sex while a movie is playing, and people who hold long conversations with their friends while the movie is playing.  In an effort to solve this problem, most theater chains have begun escorting these patrons out without any sort of  refund.    Recently The Alamo Drafthouse posted this ad before they show any "R" rated movies.

Thanks to Lord Dixie's Dark Domain and for finding this. 

I myself have encountered these certain types of individuals from time to time.  It becomes really funny when they think they are right for the way they are acting and they think I'm the asshole.  Here are some funny encounters I have had at the movies.

Parents who bring their kids to "R" rated films.

On one particular day, work was let out early because of some complications with our systems. I decided to go check out that remake of one of the best vampire movies in the last 15 years "Let The Right One In".   "Let me In" had strong critical praise and it looked like everyone who loved the original really seemed to like this version as well.   I got to the theater a good fifteen minutes(like I always do) before the feature started, and found my perfect seat.  After all the annoying commercials and the behind the scenes footage of movies I have no desire to see, the theater gets dark and the trailers begin.  While this is going on, a lady in her early thirties comes walking in with three kids.  A four year old, a two year old, and a baby going on 8 months who is being carried in one of those baby type seats.  The children right away begin goofing around,  speaking loudly and it was at this point.  I wanted to bitch slap whoever made that one condom that broke.  In most cases I would have just chosen to forget about it and try my best to enjoy the movie.  But I have just had enough of people who think the whole world should revolve around them just because they have kids.   I walked up to the woman and said.

"Excuse me.  I apologize for the intrusion, but I had to ask.  What made you think this would be an appropriate movie for your children".

The lady responded. "It's my money.  I can do what I want"

"And that gives you the right to ruin other people's enjoyment by bringing your kids into here." I replied.

The lady looked at me like a deer in headlights, total confusion.  I guess in her world she expects everything to be at her beckon call just because she managed to shat out some kids from her vajay jay three times. 

She called me an asshole and I said. "This Coming from the lady who brought her kids into an "R" rated horror flick". 

The movie begins and right away the two oldest children begin goofing off and making noises.  It was at this precise moment that I lost my nerve for trying to deal with this in any polite moment.  I shouted at the top of my lungs for her to shut her fucking kids up.  I am trying to enjoy the movie.  The lady grabbed her kids, called me a horrible human being and walked to the opposite side of the theater where I could no longer hear them.

I don't mind parents bringing kids into movies. I think it's a great idea for families to experience a movie together.    When I went and saw "Toy Story 3" I expected to hear children talking and even a few babies crying.  I just can not accept parents who would want to take their kids to a horror movie when they are not the right age to fully appreciate and understand movies like that now.  If you can't get a baby sitter you should stay home.

People who talk on the phone while a movie is playing.

"Hanna" is by far one of the best movies so far this year.  I was lucky I did not have to be at work early the next day so I was able to catch the midnight show.  Right when the trailers began I could hear someone talking on their cell phone.  Since it was just the trailers I ignored it and right when the movie began to start.  The cell conversation also stopped.  Ten minutes into the movie I could hear someone talking in the background.  I turned around and saw the same person talking on their cell phone.    The other people in the audience were getting plenty annoyed.  So I decided to calmly walk up to the individual and ask politely if he would put the phone away until the movie was over.  The man looked really high and I don't think he knew where he was much less remember talking to anyone.  He put the phone away and I went back to my seat.  Fifteen minutes later I could hear the same voice and when I went up there a second time I was a bit more stern when I asked him to please shut off his phone.  He looked over at me but his eyes were so glassy from whatever he smoked before he walked in that I don't think what I said made any response.    I clapped my hands loudly a few times to get a response and told him to shut the phone off.   As I left I added that if I had to come back here again.  I would take it away.     I make it through another thirty minutes when I hear the same voice, but this time when I go over to take the phone away I see he is talking to the police as they escort him out of the theater. 

I could understand if an emergency came up and he had to answer the phone, but even then the call could have been taking outside.  Rudeness like that does not belong anywhere.

People having sex in the theater.

No I have not had sex while in the theater and have been lucky to not see others going at it. Unless you're a porn star or you're dating me.  No one is going to have any interest in seeing your ass while they are watching a movie. 

So I guess the only thing to do is when you encounter assholes like this is to call them out on how much of a douche they are.  They might try to make you appear to be the asshole but never forget.  It was them who decided to ruin your theater experience by talking on their phone or allowing their kids to run up and down the isle while you watch a movie.

Do you have any interesting or funny stories about rude people at the movies.  Send me an email at

I will feature your story in an upcoming article.  Thanks for reading.


  1. I spent 36 years on this earth without ever seeing a baby in a theater for anything other than a kids movie. Then in the last 5 months, I've seen it twice at R-rated films. The first one- Django Unchained- was bad enough. This lady brought two kids with her (one was approximately 2 years old, the other was less than 12 months). The second time really blew my mind. Someone actually brought a baby to Evil Dead. To her credit, the second the baby started crying, she left and didn't return. But that cannot possibly be good for an infant.

    Other than that, I have three big ones:

    1) Show up on time. I don't want to miss any of the movie because you're dumb ass showed up 15 minutes into it and couldn't find a place to sit.

    2) I'm fine with people eating during the movie, but shut your damn mouth when you chew. And... in an ideal world, I'd prefer that there not be a lot of popcorn bag rustling during the movie. But that's an impossible battle to fight.

    3) Don't talk. I guess an occasional whisper is fine but doing it a bunch of times and at higher volumes drives me crazy.

    Really, I've learned to satisfy my theater neuroses by sitting way up front where nobody else wants to sit. 4 out of 5 times, I have the aisle all to myself, if not the entire front 3-4 rows.

    1. Ugh... that should be "your", not "you're", in my first point.

    2. oh man that has got to be rough. Having a parent bring a baby to see Evil Dead. What a horrible mother. I wish theatres would enfore the rule that once the movie starts. No one can enter. My friends went to see "Swat" one year and we were ten minutes late. They all went in but I decided to skip out. I hate seeing movies late even when it's one I don't like. Thanks for the comment John

  2. These things irritate me so much as well - until I found a solution. Drive-in theaters. There's still one where I live. People do all this stuff there but it doesn't bother me at all because I'm over in my car and there over in theirs. And I can understand, at least somewhat, why anyone would take a kid to an R-rated movie when you can't find a sitter - I've been there myself when I really really wanted to see "Star Trek: in '09 and utilized the local drive-in theater so my kid being, well, a kid, didn't bother anyone else's experience (except my own).

  3. Never seen a movie at Drive in. They are no longer around where I live. I think there may be one but its way out in BFE. Thanks for commenting Alex

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